other children with happy childhoods

My mother never allowed me to trick or treat when I was younger. Well, there was -- I think -- 2 years that I was allowed to go. But I had a time limit and only one certain area that I was allowed to go in. I have to say that it kind of fucked me up. Now I hate Halloween, and all those other kids who have happy memories of mountains of candy. I just remember resentment and anger. And as such I don't really dress up, the whole affair usually creeps me out, and the only real advantage is that is generally overlooked when you're really hung over the next day.

what David Sedaris said

David Sedaris said this in his interview for the newest Believer. It's a funny quote:

"When people say they're not afraid of dying, I just assume that they haven't given it much thought."

Haha.

strangers with cannabis

So I was walking to my friend's house this evening, when riding past me comes a dreaded white man who hadn't shaved in quite some time. Without any previous conversation between the two of us in either of our lives (as a matter of fact, this was most likely the first time either of us had ever seen each other), he decided now was an opportune moment to politely inquire, "Do you smoke cannabis?"

I replied quickly, "No."

"Well neither do I." And he continued riding off into the distance.

I find it a slightly odd conversation starter to kick off our relationship. You would think he might ask me something like what my name is, or how I was doing, or how my family was or something, but for some reason he wanted to know about my personal habits. On the other hand, it is refreshing to finally meet someone else in Humboldt who doesn't smoke weed. People like that are a really rare breed up here. So maybe I'll see him again and we'll be able to introduce ourselves, comment on the weather, and go more in-depth about our mutual choice to avoid marijuana consumption. Or perhaps not.

But seriously, is it too much to ask for one week where a stranger on the street doesn't offer me some kind of illegal drug? Just one week?

my body, the temple

I've begun to think that -- at least in my case -- the cliche "my body is a temple" does not really apply. From my understanding, temples are holy places that people treat with reverence and respect. In that case, it's definitely a poor metaphor for my body. If anything I'd say that my body is more like a double-wide, or a flophouse, or a '87 Honda Civic backseat. I put pretty much whatever I want there, and I sure as hell don't approach it with any kind of extraordinary respect. I suppose it's only appropriate considering I never go to church anyway. Maybe if they served Pabst there, I'd find the time, but as it stands those self-righteous, pious do-gooders can kiss my ass.

crossword clues

Personally, I'm against crossword clues such as this: "45. Pulitzer winner Welty." They do nothing but test your memory of asinine facts. And even if I don't know (which I don't), we all realize that I can simply type "Pulitzer winner Welty" into google and get my answer in about 2 seconds. It's simply not that engaging of a clue.

my notes are better than yours

Personally, I enjoy reading old notebooks of mine. Usually the notes I take are cryptic and incomplete, and aren't very useful outside of a three-month window or so. Anything that I do bother to take a note on, though, is usually worth my attention. For example, here is a note I discovered flipping through my notebook from this summer:

"Dayton: I fuck girls for money. Yeah I've done ecstasy and fucked down w/ some girls."

I have no idea what that means. I have no idea why I wrote that down. I can see why it would appeal to me (who the hell says "fuck down"?) but I have no clue what the context is. For such a great note, it's pretty disappointing that I've forgotten its relevance. So I'm going to request the help of any readers on this page. It's sandwiched between notes on Rush Hour and Metroid Prime 2, if that helps you at all. If anyone has any insight as to why I might have taken this note, please send me your theory. It would be greatly appreciated, and if we're lucky we can all unlock the mystery of this tantalizing note together. Thanks in advance.

NBA basketball

Although the confession won't be shocking to many people I know, here it is for what it's worth: I'm a basketball junkie. There's no way to sugar coat it, no way to rationalize it, no way to understand it except to say that it is what it is. Warriors pre-season basketball tips off tonight, and I'm ecstatic.

H.E.R. (who Common famously used to love)

Things Fall Apart is easily one of the most personally influential albums I've ever heard in my life. For almost my entire senior year of high school I was listening to that album 2-3 times a week, sometimes directly in a row which is something I typically avoid doing at all costs. I loved it. But I was always confused about Common's verse in "Act Too...The Love of My Life." He was rapping about a woman in this very direct way, and I couldn't figure out what that had to do with the song at all. "Her daddy would beat her / Eyes all puff / In the mix on tape niggas had her in the buck / When we touched it was more than just to fuck." It continues in this vein, and I was always a little frustrated by it. Why was Common just talking about some weird relationship he had when the song seemed to be about the power that hip-hop had in our lives?

So imagine my relief when I finally got Common's Resurrection, featuring the infamous "I Used to Love H.E.R." Finally I realized that he was making reference to an earlier song in his career in that later song I loved so dearly, and the extended metaphor of hip-hop as a woman we all have a relationship was being used in both. That line above about getting beaten and having puffy eyes? Yeah, that's a direct attack on P. Diddy and his crap brand of commercial hip-hop, not some bizarre extraneous details about this phantom woman's sordid life.

And finally having this one piece unlocked, I realized that this was a metaphor commonly referenced in all hip-hop. All these songs I knew and loved developed a second layer of meaning because I finally found this metaphor. I probably never go a week without listening to some song that talks about "H.E.R." or calls hip-hop a woman or something like that. This is an extremely influential metaphor and song in the genre, and it's important to know when listening to extensive amounts of hip-hop. Trust me, everything can be really confusing if you never listened to "I Used to Love H.E.R." You should really do that, if you haven't.

the hat on the man buying two tubes of lube and a bottle of whiskey from Safeway at 1:30 in the morning

The stories this baseball cap could tell would probably produce at least 20 best-sellers as well as a large catalog of spin-offs for the hardcore fans to enjoy. It has probably heard more country songs than I have in my life, or that I would have the will to endure. Shit, there's probably a country song about this very hat. At least the hat fits, because his shirt doesn't. I suppose he prefers the larger shirts in order to absorb more dirt. And his jeans seem to be a close relative of his hat; they've definitely seen things that would make me cry. I don't know exactly where all these items are going, but I think it's safe to say that I would not like to go there myself.

your education

Your education will not always be enjoyable.