Chinatown

I'm not certain what to say about this film except that it is great. Jack Nicholson is in fine form, Roman Polanski is a strong director, and the story line is very effective. I'm not certain that there's too much of a greater theme besides the straight-forward mystery and boy-girl entanglement. There's some class issues and some gender issues, but nothing too poignant. Good flick, though. Really good picture.

Jack 'Super Sleuth' Nicholson: "He's rich! Do you understand? He thinks he can get away with anything."

The Deer Hunter

This movie is extremely long. In protest of its lengthiness, I'm going to make this very short.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Having been outside of Humboldt County for a few months now, I became worried that I was getting a little out of touch with my hippy hatred. I was reading a message board debating the love children's contributions to society, and although I felt a touch of hatred, I can't say it was the typical wellspring that arises. So, to that end, I watched this film to hopefully rekindle my dislike for the hedonistic, selfish, drug-addled movement which eventually guided us into the Reagan years. What ended up happening is that I just remembered how much I love this film. It took me a while before I finally began to understand this film, but watching it now I thankfully can see just how great it is. And also hippies are horrible people. Here's a lengthy quote, which kind of says it all:

Hunter 'Raoul Duke' Thompson: "We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously... All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create... a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody... or at least some force - is tending the light at the end of the tunnel."

XXX: State of the Union

There's a good 30-40 minute stretch around the center of this film without any explosions. They try and compensate this with egregious cleavage shots, but you can only do so much when you're shooting for the PG-13. And while there is the explosion-free desert in the middle of the film, there are other scenes in the film with copious amounts of fire and kinetic force. What really needed to happen is that some of the boom from these other scenes needed to be spread across the film in order to maintain my attention. You don't really expect me to care about your horrible dialogue and stupid plot, do you?

But seriously, this movie is horrible. Don't watch it. I hardly did. I was busy doing something else the whole time. I've been told the original has a certain camp appeal, but I can safely say that this film just sucks. I can't say this strongly enough - don't watch it. You get no lines, because they were all bad.

What the BLEEP Do We Know?

For the record, I watched this film a while back, but I just ran across what I wrote about it, which is very appropriate to post here:

Although I admire highly philosophical films, and have a certain love for movies searching for the Truth, (much like the love an engineer has when testing out their world-changing creation for the first time, knowing it will either fail miserably or save the world, but they will still love it all the same), I still have to admit that I really didn’t like this film. Instead it serves as a reminder as to why most people don’t usually make films concerning the Truth, because usually they fail. Simply finding a single truth (lower-case ‘t’), while equally challenging, seems to have a much higher success rate. The first word that came to mind after watching the final credit fall away was “terrible,” but I have to admit that is a little unfair. It’s no Cars That Ate Paris or Sweet Home Alabama or Pearl Harbor, but being better than those films still does not make it good. So more fairly I would have to say it is just “pretty bad.”

Typically reviews (at least most good reviews) attempt to give some justification for their judgment. Aside from the obvious nitpicking with the filmmaking technique, which isn’t good, but still secondary to the real meaning of this film, my larger discomfort lies with the philosophical conclusions being made. For those looking to make a beginning critique of this film: Why were all the people interviewed white males, with the exception of an Indian man and a woman who was really only the medium for a person named Ramtha? Why was there never any mention of culture, and how that affects our brains and/or social order? And to what extent can you take seriously such an openly biased and one-sided presentation of a contentious field of knowledge? And what’s with all the really bad musical cues?

Without writing out a lengthy rebuttal of my own, because I rest assured other people have already made their own, I’ll simply mention some of the more blatantly questionable claims made within the film. Yes, I still have serious doubts that there exists a picture of the same particle IN TWO PLACES! I also seriously wonder about the scientific merit of an enlarged photo of a water molecule supposedly altered due to its proximity to a piece of Japanese writing. I also simply refuse to believe that Native Americans couldn’t see approaching ships until a mystical shaman tapped them on the forehead.

In the end, I would give a conservative estimate that at least 60% of this film is hooey, and that doesn’t bode well for its overall effectiveness. I am more than willing to accept a little hooey in my films, but when the hooey / quality ratio is that high, it becomes increasingly difficult. But please don’t feel obliged to take my word for it. For those who have read this far, I would like to add this story:

I have a friend, an extremely dear and important friend who was extremely influential on me in my younger, developing years. He was absolutely fascinated with quantum physics. When we went to bookstores, he would head to the science section and sit and read the books there for hours (he was too cheap to buy them). I mean literally hours, inside a busy bookshop, working intently on this text. As we grew older, he began to get increasingly odd. Whether this was due to his abusive father, his love for the Cure, or his obsession with quantum physics, we will never know. What I do know is that after a lengthy gap in our relationship, I ran across him again at a party at my brother’s house. He told me that the last time we were in contact he was going through some very serious psychic trauma. He was constantly being dumped by an imaginary girlfriend, among other things. Unfortunately this imaginary girlfriend was all too real for him. Eventually he attempted suicide which led to his psychiatric care, after which he was diagnosed as a schizophrenic, manic depressive. This did some to explain his inexplicable behavior at the time when we originally lost touch. He seemed very happy to see me, and very eager to hold on to our relationship. He seemed to intimate that this might have something to do with helping him not slip back into some of his old psychic pitfalls. Reconnecting with me would be a way for him to help remember past, present, and future, and keep them sorted out.

What the above story has to do with quantum physics and What the BLEEP Do We Know is uncertain, except to say that I will continue to remain highly skeptical of the philosophy contained within that film.

Solaris (2002)

I think there's been something like 5 genuinely good science fiction films ever made (and for the record, I only count The Matrix as a good action flick). When I initially watched this film, I didn't think it would be one of the few, but I was wrong. This is absolutely one of the best sci-fi films I've ever seen. It questions the existence of God, the expansive universe, our consciousness, and our existence in general. How many films can you truthfully say that about? Plus it looks great and has a good romance as well. It's fantastic, and I'm tired, and my mind is mainly running with contemplations on my existence (which I won't bore you by posting here). I would also like to point out that Steven Soderbergh is not only a genius director, but he does his own cinematography (crediting himself as 'Peter Andrews'). If I were to rate him solely as a cinematographer, I would think him genius -- not to mention the fantastic films he makes. Oh yeah, he did the editing (under a pseudonym) and the screenplay, too.

Also, imdb.com tells me: "Steven Soderbergh is quoted saying that if the audience does not enjoy the first 10 minutes of the film then they might as well leave." That's fuckin' gangsta.

Gibarian says stew on this: "We take off into the cosmos, ready for anything -- solitude, hardship, exhaustion, death. We're proud of ourselves. But when you think about it, our enthusiasm's a sham. We don't want other worlds; we want mirrors."

The Family Guy

The link below is an article which is a rather scathing review of The Family Guy and, by extension, its fans:

I won't lie, I agree with most of this.

I realize that I'm somewhat unique in this aspect, but I take humor pretty seriously. (Yes, that's an odd phrase.) When something makes me laugh, I want to understand where the humor comes from. When something tries to be funny and fails (in my eyes), I will wonder what it did wrong. Aside from the man who wrote this article, I am the only person I know who actively dislikes The Family Guy. It is not funny. I find its attempts at humor talentless and empty. And it does bother me a little that I'm the only person I know who sees this in the show.

Which brings us to my next point, which will make much more sense if you have read the article above. (Pardon me a moment while I climb upon my high horse. Ahem - always a nice view from up here.) Ironic detachment, cynicism, and, yes, even nihilism are some of the more alarming trends I see in people my age. Am I crazy for agreeing with this article and finding the popularity of The Family Guy as just another marker of this trend in my peers? Perhaps I am.

Fuck it, I'm going back to watching movies. And yes, I cried during Jim Brown: All American.

The War Room

I honestly believe that I will never see as good a president as Bill Clinton in my life time. The man was a genius, and when high ranking decisions were made you were still left with the impression that Bill had something to do with it. He was never some puppet that truly Machiavellan people were manipulating. And he did extraordinarlily well with his time in office, all things considered. And what I wouldn't give to get a blowjob in the oval office. But he had to get elected like every other candidate before him, and this movie shows James 'The Ragin' Cajun' Carville in full form. It further re-enforces how sad the last democratic campaign was. Kerry never seemed like a legitimate candidate. I also watched this movie yesterday, but I will be watching it again numerous times. Apparently the same filmmakers made The Perfect Candidate, which is admittedly a better film - but seriously, watch them both if you have any interest in American politics.

Ragin' Cajun: "It's the economy, stupid."

Jim Brown: All American

Okay, so I actually watched this movie yesterday and I forget exactly what it was that I wanted to say about it. I remember liking Jim Brown, and it was a Spike Lee film and I liked that, and towards the end I cried at one point (although I won't explain why, you'll have to watch the film if you want to try and solve it for yourself (although I doubt anyone would cry at the same spot that I did)). Really I'm just adding this entry because I want an accurate record of just how many movies I watched this summer, so here we are. Anyway, it's a good film, and even though I love Barry Sanders, I'm going to go ahead and say that Jim Brown is the greatest running back to ever play professional football.

Rules of Attraction

I have to admit, if it wasn't for Tom's heavy plugging of this film, I probably never would have found the proper appreciation for it. Because of Tom's frequent recommendations, I now think it's absolutely fantastic, and one of the most scathing and necessary reports on American college life I've seen. There was definitely a point when watching it the first time where I said, "So this is what we look like to Tom!" And that was a good point, and I thank Tom for bringing me to it.

James 'Sean Bateman' Van Derbeek: "Since when does fucking somebody else mean I'm not faithful to you?"

Wedding Crashers

Although generally it would be fair to say that I'm anti-wedding, I also happen to be extremely pro-Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn. I went into this film perfectly prepared to not enjoy it. I went to a cheap theater and a late showing, insuring a small crowd and a minimal amount of guilt should the film be horrible. What I was happy to discover is that Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn are just as funny as I remember them. I'm also becoming a little concerned for myself, because increasingly as I watch romances I really want the main characters to end up together. I'm not positive what is causing me to go soft in the heart like this, but I can definitely mark it as a recent trend. Previously I turned my nose up at the contrived romance scenes, but now I find them cute and - dare I say it - 'heartwarming.' Anyway, I'm not about to answer this dilemma here, so I'll just end this entry now. Unfortunately, I can't accurately remember any lines, so I'll just offer this:

Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn: "Funny funny funny."

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

This officially marks the first time that I've watched this film and not become rather depressed. Not to say that there is no hint of sadness on my psyche, just that it's nowhere as pronounced as it was upon previous viewings. I can only blame Mr. Beck Hansen for convincing me to watch this film, because he performed the soundtrack song at his concert I just attended which reminded me that I should watch this film again (even if it is horribly depressing). This is one film I'm fairly certain will age well, and 20 years from now I'll still be dusting it off to watch again. It's amazing.

Jim 'Joel' Carrey: "Sand is overrated. It's just tiny little rocks."

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

At Hollywood Video I am frequently required to watch a preview disc while I work. During the preview for this film they use the joke where someone asks Steve what the scientific purpose of killing the Jaguar Shark would be. He says, "Revenge." In the preview, they edit the dialoge so the question occurs immediately following the response. Now this is shocking to me, because in the film (and why the joke is funny) there is a lengthy pause before Steve responds. It is exactly the pause that creates the humor in the scene. So they're previewing the scene because they think it's funny, but they're butchering anything that was funny about it at the same time. It's amazing how stupid you can be and still be given work, apparently. And this give me hope.

Steve Zissou: "I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it."

Casino

Anyone who has read through this page won't be surprised when I admit that I'm a huge fan of Martin Scorsese. I don't see much need to comment beyond this.

Constantine

If I was religious, this film might offend me. Also, if I was a fan of good cinema, this film might offend me. If I was a fan of Keanu Reeves acting very poorly, then I would probably enjoy it. If I was a fan of cleavage, I would be sorely disappointed. (You'd think demons would drum up some more sex to entice me, wouldn't you?) If I was a fan of special effects, I would have a lot to look at. If I was a fan of confusing meta-scriptural BS plotlines, I would be jerking off every 5 minutes as I watched this film. If I was a fan of Shia LeBeouf, I would be a little pissed at the paltry attention paid to his character. In the end, though, all I really should say is that I'm not a fan of this film.

Keanu 'Psst, act!' Reeves: "This is Constantine. John Constantine. Asshole."

Man of the House

I actually watched this on Friday and forgot to post about it. Because the movie made such a deep impression on me, I've forgotten nearly everything about it. It had Tommy Lee Jones, who was pretty funny, and some cheerleaders. They were at the University of Texas, and scenes at the football games piqued my desire to tailgate at a large NCAA football game. Here's a line, though, that I pulled off of imdb.com:

Tommy 'Gangsta' Lee Jones: "Hell, I loved myself when I was drunk. It was the other folks that had the problem."

Immortal

I have no idea what this movie was about. Now, some might say that is because I slept through a large portion of it, but they would be wrong. The reason it makes no sense is because it's a crappy movie. I officially decided that zonking out would be the right thing to do when some Egyptian god was raping a girl. There were a lot of computer graphics, which I generally enjoy, but there was no discernible plot to be found, which proved to be a major problem. Oh yeah, because I read the back of the box I know that it takes place in 2095. During the parts that I was awake there were no robots hoping to understand love, so it at least avoided that sci-fi pitfall. But it did have some weird human vs. mutant race war that was dumb and ill-defined. You can't win them all. Anyway, this movie is dumb, and if you should ever find yourself watching it, I encourage you to fall asleep. It's much better that way.

A Very Long Engagement

Based on my viewing of this film, I've reached a few conclusions. Firstly, when making a war / romance / mystery film, one will inevitably short-change one or all of those components, thus undermining the overall emotional impact of the film. Secondly, Audrey Tautou is still one of the hottest women in the world, even when she is (supposedly) missing a leg. Thirdly, Jeunet has way more talent than to be making confused films like this. And finally, all French are deserters, cowards and sissies who cannot win wars without American help. Okay, I'm kidding about the last conclusion. Also, it's in French, so I have no lines for you.

About Schmidt

Why this movie is categorized as a comedy, I cannot say. I laughed little, but was rather depressed quite often. This is a sad story, and if people are laughing through most of it, they are cruel. This is more or less how I felt about Sideways, as well. Who was laughing? Both of these films are much more touching dramas than the few laughs they present to me.

And also, a note on DVD production: This is hands-down the worst animated menu I've ever seen on a DVD. It is superfluous, tedious, ugly, and boring. Why not just leave the animation out, and let us watch the movie already? Thankfully, I think it's a trend that is already disappearing, but if you want to see the absolute worst DVD menus I've ever seen, rent this one.

Relative stranger to Jack Nicholson: "You are a sad man, a sad sad man."

Million Dollar Baby

This is how I imagine the pitch for this movie being:

Remember Rocky? An otherwise predictable boxing, feel-good story that somehow won best picture because it defied the audience's expectations by making Rocky lose? Well, we're going to make another boxing movie, but considering the audience's increased demand for the sensational or grossly exaggerated since that time, we're going to have to up the ante. We're going to make a predictable boxing story, with most of the components spelled out clearly in the basic preview, but when we make tragedy strike this time, we will make it strike with the force of 1,000 nuclear bombs. Oh yeah, and remember Shawshank Redemption? We thought that was cool how Morgan Freeman was a sage observer, playing witness and narrating the remarkable white man's journey. We're going to do that, too.

I mean, it's a good movie and all, but the ending is ridiculously, fantastically cruel. I think I'm going to have to watch Rocky IV like 20 times in succession in order to begin removing the pain and trauma suffered from this film.

And yeah, Clint Eastwood is a good director. But seriously, Scorsese still got robbed at the Oscars. Do I have to tell you that Morgan Freeman got the best line?

Sage (Black) Boxing Observer: "Anybody can lose one fight, anybody can lose once, you'll come back from this you'll be champion of the world."

The Aviator

I've long been meaning to write a piece concerning my feelings regarding biopics. Generally I dislike them, and The Aviator is one of the few exceptions. Do you think it has anything to do with Martin Scorsese being an overwhelming genius? I think it might.

This film does a few notable things to set it apart from your average, obnoxious biopic. It does not attempt to tell the story of Howard Hughes' childhood, as if this will be the piece that unlocks all their future behavior. It does not end with the main character finally realizing an important lessong, thus granting them peace of mind before they die. It also features largely symbolic scenes which make little attempt to represent 'true' realism. It's an awesome film, which I'm currently leaning toward interpreting as an indictment of contemporary capitalism and American politics. How many biopics can you say that about?

Also, Leonardo DiCaprio was robbed of best actor, Scorsese of best director, and the film of Best Picture. Fuck the academy.

Leo: "It's the way of the future."

Election

I originally watched this film a long time ago, and although I enjoyed it, I can't truthfully say that I saw it as a strong work from a great, young director. Watching it again, though, that's definitely what I saw. The movie is rad, and I will be watching About Schmidt shortly in order to catch up with the films of Alexander Payne. There's oodles and oodles of good dialogue, but alas, I must select one.

Chris Klein re: his recent run of good fortune: "My leg wasn't bugging me too much, and the weather was so nice, and every day after school Lisa and I would go to her house to fuck and have a hot tub."

The Jacket

It's a sad fact that most mainstream Hollywood films feel that a romance between the male and female leads is a necessary component of any film, even if the romance doesn't belong in the film at all. For a shining example of that, witness The Jacket, with an extremely uncomfortable romance between Adrien Brody and a 10-year-old -- no wait, it's the future now -- 24-year-old Keira Knightley. It's down right creepy and the filmmakers should be ashamed of themselves. Not only was it unnecessary, it was some bizarre form of pedophilia.

Also, I propose a moratorium on all movies involving time travel. Frankly, it's getting played out and the logical holes in most time travel plots are becoming stupid. Until someone actually has a fresh approach to the subject, please just leave it be.

And finally, the ending of the film is memorable for a rather remarkable piece of cinematography, and little else. And finding the best line is quite a feat, but here you go:

Adrien Brody to relative stranger: "I don't know how to make this not sound crazy."

Wimbledon

I'll go ahead and spoil it right now: What you would predict happens in this film based on its summary on the back of the box is ... exactly what happens. (Unless you would predict that Kirsten Dunst turns into a flying demon, or that the male lead is in fact a serial killer, or that there are any gunfights whatsoever, or anything ridiculous like that). The film is completely transparent, and watching it is an exercise in confirming what you already knew would happen. That said, Kirsten Dunst is cute, although rather unbelievable as a pro athlete, and the elements of sports psychology played upon are somewhat novel.

Also, (and this warrants its own paragraph) the movie opens with RJD2's fantastic song 'Ghostwriter', honestly one of his best. It's a little unnerving when you're watching a Hollywood schlock romance and the opening credits is basically a music video for one of your favorite independent artists. Anyone who has watched reality TV or a crappy action flick and heard their favorite new band cue up in the background should know my pain.

Memo to mainstream crap: stop attempting to uplift your uncreative crap by stealing truly good and creative ideas from others, because it just makes the both of you look bad.

Predictable Underdog Character to Friend: "My parents are still together, which proves that love isn't just blind, it's bloody stupid."

Bad Santa

This film is deadly funny, and only really slows down in the moments it's forced to progress its story. Billy Bob Thornton becomes the person all of us -- somewhere deep down -- secretly want to be. There are numerous memorable lines, John Ritter is hilarious, a midget is given a respectable role, and even if it's the middle of summer I'm extremely happy to watch a Christmas film.

Bill Bob Thornton: "I beat the shit out of some kids today, but it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself."

Ocean's Twelve

I can't say that I exactly understood the plot of this movie. That which I did understand was rather trite and forced. The overall motivation of most of the characters was nebulous and the actualities of the heist were fishy and unclear. That said, I enjoyed it quite a bit. Steven Soderbergh knows how to make a film look good. I will watch this film again just to admire the cinematography, clever editing, and insanely impressive style. And I absolutely have to love the Topher Grace cameo, considering the film I just watched, when he gives this line:

Topher Grace Playing Himself: "I totally phoned in that Dennis Quaid movie!"

In Good Company

Scarlett Johansson, it should be noted, is a terrible actress. If we were to create an electricity generator connected to my house that was powered by an individual's acting power, and connected Scarlett Johansson to it, we would be lucky to get a single night-light switched on. Conversely, if the same generator were connected to a person's beauty, Scarlett could power multiple entertainment centers, lights in every room, washing machines, and house-wide AC. But seriously, she couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag.

This film is an indictment of corporate culture dressed in a romance's clothing. As such, it really fails at both. I'm particulary offended by the rather predictable moral that youth, while headstrong and confident, really has to learn from the older generation, even if it's learning the hard way. The old man in this film is completely vindicated, and at no point is there any suggestion that he might just be a stubborn old crank, which is my default assumption regarding old men, particularly businessmen running sports magazines. Witness the unquestioned quote offered by the crank of a dad:

Old Man to boyfriend, interrupting daughter's telephone conversation: "Hello, this is Mr. Foreman. If you give my daughter an alcoholic beverage or a joint, I will hunt you down and neuter you."

Very charming. It makes me happy when men like this are fathers, because they know best. Who are we to question? Stupid youth!

Kagemusha

Akira Kurosawa is no joke. Basically, the man knew how to make movies. This is a striking film, Kurosawa's first real adventure into color. No jokes, just epic Japanese drama.

When We Were Kings

For anyone that knows me it should be pretty obvious that I feel sports are more than just abnormally sized men performing trivial feats. They can, in certain instances, be culturally driving and defining moments. I will admit things have gotten a little commercialized recently and the honor and integrity is taking a back seat to selling soft-drinks and sneakers, but that doesn't mean sports doesn't have its moments. Anyway, this is a documentary of one of the most significant sporting events in modern history. It also confirms that Muhammad Ali is most likely the greatest American sportsman who ever lived and competed, transcending his station as a highly paid gladiator to make political pronouncements, give to his community, and inspire millions. I think someone should sit Shaq and Kobe down in a dark room with a securely locked door, show them this film, and then verbally abuse them for the next three days. This will be followed by placing them in a public stockade with the film playing on a screen beside them, as fans are allowed to throw rotten vegetables to their heart's content.

Muhammad Ali does not lie: "I'm young, I'm handsome, I'm fast, I'm pretty and can't possibly be beat."

Brown Sugar

This film is as much a romance as it is a love letter to hip-hop, and obviously I appreciate that. For making a musical and cultural force a central metaphor it actually becomes a slightly higher concept romance than your typical fare. I have to admit, I'm listening to 3 Feet High and Rising right now mainly because of this film. Oh yeah, the romance was cool, too, if not slightly too predictable. Big time bonus points for giving Mos Def the best line in the film:

Might Mos re: Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca: "You know what he needed to do back then? He needed to stop fine-ass Ingrid Bergman from gettin' on the plane with the corny dude. And then, he gonna walk off in the fog with some other dude. Come on, man. With another dude, in the fog? Come on. Two grown men walk off in a fog, you don't know where they goin'? Think about it, man."

Hitch

This is actually one of the best romantic comedies I've seen. It had clever writing, genuinely funny / romantic scenes, and an attractive cast. It also featured the requisite female acting the fool and the guy still going great lengths to chase her, which has long been a pet peeve of mine in romantic comedies. Anyway, if you like romantic comedies at all, I recommend this film. Here's the line I liked most:

Asshole Guy to Will Smith: "This is what I'm about - power suit, power tie, power steering."